I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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