My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
