There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize