I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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