p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
