It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
