There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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