ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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