Whod you bang
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
