You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The power of my boobs compel you
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
