I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
