u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just want nice things and good sex
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
