We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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