Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
