even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
