Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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