How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
