eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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