I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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