Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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