fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.