I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize