OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
