i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.