You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
