we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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