I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
