so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
