Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
