I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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