The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I love having hate sex.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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