Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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