The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You ruined the universe
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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