3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
