Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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