YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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