Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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