I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
