Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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