he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
