I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
