I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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