so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
