This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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