you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
