where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
