You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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