Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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