Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
even my farts smell like vagina
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
