How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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