Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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