you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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