my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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