She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
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I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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