i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
