No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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