dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
