she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
