he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize