I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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