i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
