I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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