Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
