Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
