Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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