I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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