I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
