no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
