So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
