I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
