just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
