she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize