Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
