im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
