Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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