So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
