I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
