I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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