she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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