i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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