"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
